Friendship? PFFT.
So this is a response to Find my faith in Friendship again from my list.
I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately. Like what is it that defines a friendship. What are its boundaries, its term and conditions. Other things in life are easy. For instance Marriage: till death do us part, Family: Arguements and grudges allowed but forever family, etc.
From what i have come to see friendship has no terms and conditions. There is no obligation or responsibility to loyalty or trust or any of these things. Now the ones getting upset at this post are probably the ones that are the cause for this post. I feel its time to say it like it is, and the truth hurts.
Firstly, one would think that friendship implies a certain amount of honesty. For instance, when you do something that upsets your friend or if you find that you no longer want to be friends with someone as a friend you should be honest. Not keep quiet and wait for a time when in an arguement you can use it as a weapon.
Next, on would think that friendship involves communication. You see this is one thing that is vitally important. Not speaking to your “friend” for many many days or even months automatically converts the friendship into an acquaintance or into nothing. If your life is soooo hectically busy that you cant even send a one minute text message saying hi then you are not really friends with that person. Just remember you spend perhaps 5 minutes a day doing nothing. I am soooo busy is not an excuse.
Next, waiting for the person to send you a message first is nonsense. I am at fault here. Or rather was.
Next, one would think friendship has a certain sense of loyalty. Now i am talking about the hard times here. DONT YOU DARE say oh i will never let you down, i will always be here, i will have your back, i will not abandon you, i will forgive you and be your friend no matter what. I say this because we are human. We have all fallen short of the Glory of God. I will do something unexcusable in your eyes, you will let me down, abandon me, hesitate in having my back and you know what? Thats fine. Its normal. But as a friend you should be able to look past this, carry on. Not just bury the friendship through your actions and deeds. Look back to honesty here. If you hesitated then say you were scared. If i did something that was unacceptable in your eyes come and tell me in person and we can discuss it and see where to go.
Next, friendship is not meant to be fickle. Here i mean true friendship. If you are a friend how can you call the friendship over instantly; after one fight? REAL Friends will find it impossible to do this.
Next, friends are there when you need them and there even more when you push them away. When you need help or are having tough times your friends will be there, that is their job. They will understand you well enough and know you well enough to realise that you are having a tough time, that you did not mean to do the things you did, that what you said was not intended, that you getting upset at the slightest thing is ok. You see friends know each other well enough to realise that you are simply having a tough time and that you are still you. They should simply try and help you through it so you become you again.
Next, friends are not supposed to judge. Dont judge me please. Yes i am arrogant at times, yes i am forward at times, yes i swear at times, yes i get angry and irritable and depressed and i sin. But you know what. I know i do, i try not to. Who are you to judge me and say well unlucky. You are not good enough. I am perfect and you are not, you should be like me. Sorry to burst your bubble. I dont want to be like you. I try to be like Jesus and i fall short constantly. But when i do, dont throw it in my face with a sense of almightiness, because the last time i checked, you still had a log in your own eye.
You see this is what i have been thinking. I cant help it. Maybe i have totally missed the mark here. Are friends supposed to call the friendship off at a whim? Are they supposed to treat you nicely when behind your back they wish you were gone? Are they supposed to simply forget the person you are and when you need them the most are they supposed to push the dagger deeper into your wound?
If this is friendship then PFFT!!! Keep it.
I will tell you something about real friends. At this point in time i believe i only have four real friends. The others are “too busy”, “too good for me” or have blatently called the friendship over at a whim. I say this because i have contacted them, i am always the only one to contact them and i never get a hello brian how you message. I dont hear from them and they just ignore me and only contact me when they need help. Oh and then there is the group of friends i lost in an arguement i was not a part of. But i wont go there.
So back to real friends:
Philippe: Here is a friend that accepts me as i am. He contacts me to find out how i am. He does not judge me, he is there when i need him and he is such an incredible person in that way. He will do anything to help and he will make you laugh even when you want to kill him. He is a character on his own. A friend i hold dear to me.
Tarryn: Another real friend to me. She may not contact me first or communicate often but when she does its sincere. She will help you, she will bring Christ to you and will be honest in a christian manner. She makes mistakes yes but is filled with the Holy Spirit so its easy to realise her good intentions.
Chris:He will help you no matter what. He will annoy you and irritate you beyond belief but in the end he will come and say sorry even when its not necessary. He is a great guy and a good friend.
“Mickey V”: The greatest friend anyone can ask for. I am going to go in depth here only because he deserves no less. Our friendship started on a strange setting. Back in Grade 8 he was cast for a role in a play as Dexter. I was cast as something else, cant remember what really haha. And somehow i convinced him to change parts with me, i really did not know this at the time but his now swopped part which was my part got written out and he became someone in the background. SORRY. hehe. But what sets Michael apart is i can be a total idiot to him and he will be straight with me. He will be honest, tell me what i am doing to annoy him and we will move forward. He does not stay out of contact for longer than two days with me. He is loyal to me and although there are times when we both do things that to the other person is totally unacceptable we are strong enough as friends to forgive it without ruining the friendship. He will go out of his way to make my day awesome. He knew how badly i did not want to have a birthday this year but he also knew why. So he decided to take a potentially bad day and made it amazing!! THANKS!! He is the only person i can tell absolutely anything without worrying about being judged or about being betrayed; oh how i have been betrayed in my life.
Michael will just about do anything for me. I think that if one could write the terms and conditions for a friendship one would have to look at michael’s friendship towards me.
So if i have offended you somehow i am sorry. This is just how i believe a friendship should be. Yes i have also fallen short of it way too often but the difference is i try. If you offended now just look at my toughts on friendship and see if you have done any of this. Yes i have lots of acquaintances but only four friends that i can call my real friends.
P.S. i am working on adding more to the list of 4.
Sorry again if i hurt you.
Leave a few comments if you agree or if you think i am being unfair or have lost the plot when it comes to friendship. Oh and if this offended you i would advise you not read my post on love when i post it. For as much as i have lost faith in friendship, i have lost even more in love…
